Health Diaries > A Chronological Documentation of Suffering and Success

October 12, 2006

Everyone has to start somewhere, right?

I suppose, I shall start with an introduction and then move forward into some of the issues I am facing currently.

My name is Raye and I am 18 years old.
The main reason I started this blog was to help others and provide more first-hand information about trich, as well as the other disorders and life issues I deal with.

I have never been officially diagnosed, but I have been seen many times by therapists for depression and self-injury.

It started out with trich, actually.

I have been pulling since I was about 11 years old, but the major onset began at thirteen, when I started my menstrual cycle.
Yes, there were other things going on as well, but that was an interesting note.
Most of my pulling occurs under times of stress, but also when I zone out.
For example, when I read, I tend to start pulling.
It is a compulsion that actually starts from my eyelids.
(I only pull my eyelashes, but tend to pluck my eyebrows obsessively.)
The only way I can really describe it is an urge to pull that is almost painful.
It feels like if I don't pull out my eyelashes, that I will not be able to relieve the pain in my eyelids.
So, I start pulling, but the pain doesn't go away.
It just moves around.
Sometimes, my eyelid will actually swell up from the stress I am putting on it.
The urge to pull is subconcious.
I feel it once it has started and after that, I can't get my mind off it.
Distraction is the only thing that helps.
(Medical Marijuna has helped as well.)

From trich, I moved to self-injury through cutting.
I have tried to commit suicide two times now.

I no longer wish to die.
I am actually happily engaged.
I still battle with depression, trich, and urges to self-mutilate.
That's what this is for, though:
To help others as well as myself in the understanding and triumphing over these things.


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Great to have you on Health Diaries Raye!

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